I Have Urges
​I wonder what the world
Is up to now,
The kind without the anxiety
I am in my kitchen feeling
For no good reason and hiding
From, or trying
To, with a bad bic pen and
A light blue notepad.
The sky is so dark as to not exist,
Its pitch absence hangs over
The city that seems surrendered to the
Day’s night.
​
This is not fair of me to say
​
I often think, about the way
Our worlds might change if
Only I could make you laugh without trying to, or
Needing to myself for
laughing all the same.
If we were of the same
Ancient alien
constitution, and I was not
A bitter brittle thing, that
Maybe I could bare
you,
Without eating your
stomach and wearing
Your skin
​
​
Belly Batter
My trousers don’t fit anymore,
They don’t seem as large as they once were,
Worn and torn they ripped apart, at
Seems unseemly and sights
Aghast, the queasy classmate, the teacher’s
arse, all lost their top and ran
Aground, at my big
Belly and its big sound,
When it flaps and slaps and smacks
About, in
Summer breeze and winter snow, no
Matter much I prod and poke, it
Bounces down then bounces
Back.
It once killed my neighbour's cat,
Pushed and
Mushed to mincey
Matter, the cat
Went splat and I got
Fatter.
​
To the Generous Benefactors
​
Take time to chew or
Else you'll choke, just
Like the wealthy older bloke
Who bought you drinks
but later croaked
What a shame to
Never see
Your third wife’s
Anniversary
Yours
If I was covid-19 would
You get me?
Take all
my bad jokes for
Great respect to
the spirit of
Great humour,
If I was broke and 19 would
You get me?
Send me home then
Disrespect me
To all your
funny friends,
If only I was Spider-Man, could I
Climb you with my
Spikey hands, just
To show your beady
Eyes my silly plan,
If I was the Holy Spirit would you
Let me inside you?
Spread like sickness until
I’ve climbed through
The tippy top of your tippy
Head, and shined my light
Through,
If only I could
Help but joke, or
Find the words to make
You choke, or
Better cry,
I Would beg you,
Scream out to tell you,
To just be mine.
Slutty Buns
​
Lil’ Shawty is
£7.40 and you
Don’t even get any chips
I’m probably okay to say some of this
The silly and the fat and the
Yankees and the twats all
Said ‘oh fuck’ or screamed
‘awh rats’ at the great nuclear
Implosion.
Two weeks ago me and
Stephen Graham went on
About steroids and things that
Made the crowd go wild
With brilliant distraction
Colour hungry and brightly
Inclined, it consumed the planet a
Timezone at a time, the
Mortal manly world upturned and
Deprived,
For one more second, just one
More time, of
Swirly world curly plates of
Phantom
Delight.